The Other "Significant Other."

So, I got to thinking about alter-egos and wanted to tell a story, but first! (haha)--I want to thank Nanci Kalanta and Mark Justice at HorrorWorld and the Pod of Horror for the shoutout concerning Blood Red Tales. That was the coolest thing I've heard in a long time, and #39 was pretty entertaining to say the least.

Also, I want to say congratulations to the Horror Library for their Stoker nomination. I am keeping my claws crossed and holding my cold breath for you. I just finished reading the Horror Library Vol I and The Butcher Shop Quartet and I was pleasantly suprised, impressed, and glad I'd spent the small dollars. Talk about money well spent! The stories in these two early volumes are well written, original, and very very satisfying. This is real horror, ladies and gentleman, and if you haven't gotten yours yet, I encourage you to do so. http://www.cuttingblock.net/. I am only barely scratching the surface here and am thankful two more volumes await my perusal. It was also something special to read tales by names I have actually talked with, if perhaps, only briefly. So, congratulations on the mention at Pod of Horror as well, and for the nomination. This is Brandon (Buster) wishing you the best! Go HL!

Also, if you were not aware of http://www.gravesidetales.com/, I encourage you to check them out. Dale Murphy, Matt Hults, and Bret Jordan are three very cool cats over there, or should I say werewolves? What a welcome I received! Dale has schooled me patiently on technical matters concerning banner signatures and myspace issues (that inevitable pain in the arse), while Matt told me it was okay to send a story his way, though I am two months past the submission deadline. That alone deserves a loud thanks! So, thanks, Matt! Bret Jordan has some fantastic art work over there, too. He has been kind enough to spend his lunch hours reading from Blood Red Tales, and his kindness will be reciprocated in some fashion or another. That is a promise. He had some very nice things to say about my work, so thanks, all three of you, and I will see you around the boards!

All clear? Okay. Let me see if I can tell this story without sounding like a total wacko. Too late? I thought so. Here goes:

A while back I was working at a nursing home as a night cook. My aunt got me the job. She is a great lady, but not a fan of horror. I forgive her because she is a treat. Anyway, I'm not sure how many other horror writers have this issue, but I know I do. Sometimes, I think because we write about the dark, we make sacrifices and take dangerous risks mentally and spiritually for the sake of the art. With me, it was a trip into borderline madness. Maybe I'm exaggerating here, but I wanted to write horror on such a different level, I felt putting myself mentally into the blackest places I could would be better for the sake of the art and the tales. Foolishness? You bet your ass! So, I risked my mental health as a young teen by abusing my body with every chemical I could get my addicted hands on, finding myself on the verge of poverty, hunger, destitution, hopelessness, homelessness, and despair. After all, what better, truer emotions to work a horror story around than these bleak and terrible emotions and situations? Yeah, well, I'm not too bright, and I will be the first to admit it. I did it for the art, nothing more. I was pretty young and stupid then, more so than I am now, so I wasn't really sure what the hell I was doing, or that the results would have grisly, long term effects.

(I didn't realize this blog would be so honest when I started it, so bear with me, and I hope you don't mind? Honesty is the best policy and all that, right?)

When I was working at the rehab, I was going through some pretty rough times. Some people knew I had issues with addiction then (But I'm happy to say I've conquered my demons. Sober now, I hope for good, for almost three years, and I like looking at life in a clearer, less sickly light. Eating, sleeping, and exercising are all good things, trust me.) A girl worked at the rehab with me--we'll call her Melanie--who was every inch young, obnoxious, yet brimming with vitality. She was a treat, I have to say, though we did have our differences.

I have this little habit of talking to myself quite a bit. "Thinking out loud" I call it, to keep me out of trouble. Writers? Do you do the same? Acting out the dialogue in your head, the scenes, the words, only to realize you're voicing these thoughts aloud for the world to hear? Some of you may be raising your eyebrows at me by this time, but that's okay. I think all artists have this twisted perception which makes them less normal than the common man or woman.

On one particular day, I was doing this "Thinking out loud" thing as I was mopping the floor, mumbling words I knew not what at the time. I could have been withdrawing from several chemicals, and maybe it was beginning to show. Melanie asked, "Who are you talking to, Brandon?" Melanie and I were at war with the radio. I liked to listen to classic rock; she liked modern be-pop, bubble gum music, which moves in under my skin and makes me grow jagged scales. I turn into a slavering beast hungry for violence. It flicks a switch. I was slightly peeved at her and wasn't in the mood for talking because we'd been having this war all day. So, I replied with the first name that came to mind, "Buster," I said. "And Melanie? He doesn't like the way you're acting, so you'd better just watch it, young lady."

Thankfully, she laughed, which helped ease the tension, but I went on to tell this story to several very close-knit members of my family, and soon, Buster grew into sporadic, tangible life. I would go to parties at my cousin's house, and her reply would always be the same: "Did you bring Buster with you?"--followed by several guffaws of laughter. Since then, Buster is now the running joke in my family and between close friends. My darker half, the one who still abuses, takes risks, and victimizes anything innocent. He is still running amuck. No, I don't let him influence me any more, at least my body, but he is alive and well and in my mind. He is charming when he needs to be, but he has alterior motives. He frightens me. So, because of it, I have given him more life by writing several stories about him. Which leads me to my question:

Who or what (if at all) is your alter-ego? Is he or she the same sex as you? Is he or she a darker or lighter side? Do they have a name? Are you the only one who knows about them? How clear and vivid are they in your mind? Do they look like you? Or maybe a better question would be: How did they evolve?

Whatever the case, I would be anxious to hear your thoughts on this as readers, writers, as people in general. We'll call it the Other "Significant Other." After all, this little corner of blood-stained madness gets frigheningly lonely sometimes, and us horror writers need to let one another know that we are not alone in our dark thoughts, no matter how often they may "seem" to betray us. This "darker" side is, in fact, essential, even necessary. Then again, maybe I'm asking this question to appease myself, so that I won't feel so alone. So that you, my little underground dwellers, can tell me exactly what I long and pine to hear...

What Scares You?

For those of you reading and getting tired of harping on myself and the gratitude I have for others, bear with me a little more, will ya...

I'm very happy to say I will be be published in an upcoming anthology: Twisted Tales 3. So, thanks to J Richards Jacobs for accepting the story. I also want to thank AJ Brown from the Horror Library at www.zoetrope.com/ Sorry, I was talking so late the other night, dude. If you keep replying, so will I. I enjoyed the hell out of talking to another writer, though. Weird, because AJ and I talked on everything under the sun, it seemed, except writing. And yeah, let's not talk about the Broncos/Colts games. Geesh!

Also to Marilyn Peake www.marilynpeake.com/ , Kim McDougall, www.kimmcdougall.com/ Ellen Meister, www.ellenmeister.com/ Richard Earl Linsley III, and, without leaving her out, Lindsay Nicols, for the sound and invaluable advice at www.zoetrope.com/ in the Promote Yourself Forum. You guys all rock and roll. I see a fantasy! Also to Eddie, at www.feoamante.com/ for the press release. Thanks, mahn!

I also want to mention Christina Dunn, my first official and very sincere fan, for printing out all my stories and reading them while you were in the hospital. I think about you and wish you the best! Sorry to keep you in such anticipation for more, but I'm flattered by the demand of my dementia and feeding your own!

My favorite haunts are to the side. (I think I stole that phrase from Todd Banks, or some other forum. Hope you don't mind, Todd.) I'm not sure how to display them without the url link, so it's a little haphazard looking to say the least. I'm still trying to figure all this out. If you have any ideas, let me know. Until then, I'll see...I still have writing to do.

Also, Steel Moon Publishing is officially up and running. There is a contest going on there and the theme is "Fire." Go to www.steelmoonpublishing.us/ for the guidelines, and read the ones already posted. Todd Banks from the Dead Watch Society has a little piece that will certainly make you anxious for your next meal. And WGM has another great editorial at www.writershelm.com/. They're always good for a reality check.

Anyway, I thought I'd ask for a little participation here. The voting is under way for the best author website at www.FictionAddiction.NET/vote.html. You don't have to vote for mine, of course. That would be slightly pompous on my part, to say the least. There's plenty of great looking sites there, but it might be fun, more for me and the authors there than for you. But there is a big, juicy lollipop in it for you if you do vote for mine. So, there's a slight incentive.

Also, I wanted to ask everyone a simple question on the theory of fear. That is, quite simply, What Scares You? What are your worst fears? Could be bugs. Could be death. Could be failure. You can give me an extensive list, or a very small one. It matters not to me, and I think it will help me get to know you.

Until then, my little crypt dwellers...the lights on, the toes under the covers...You know the drill...Oh, yeah, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!